October 8, 2013
I know I’m going to come off sounding like a spoiled brat, but my 20th birthday sucked! I stopped celebrating my birthday since I turned 16. But I always feel like it’s an obligation, to host an event, to hang out with people that I know like me, but I don’t know. It’s kind of lame hosting my own birthday party. But I guess thats what happens when you get older - birthdays/holidays seem to be less important as years go by.
I am grateful that I have friends like Holy, Icxc, Steve, Thomas, Katt, and Ben. The others could just suck my dick. I know I shouldn’t be expecting so much, I can’t help but think the close friends you thought you were close to just didn’t put enough effort for your birthday. I’ve celebrated their birthdays even in my busy schedule, in my worst conditions, and especially when I’m somewhat struggling with money myself. I know I shouldn’t be expecting anything in the first place, but I just can’t help myself to think that way. Through the hardships of our friendships, some of my close friends that I thought that were close didn’t put any effort in seeing me in my birthday - I just get a lousy text/tweet from them. Yea, “It’s the thought that counts” but c’mon; after all the shit i’ve gone through with you.. I was hoping to get something back like that. A hug would’ve been great! Sadly, I just get a lousy text message/tweet.. NOW I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT OUR FRIENDSHIP WAS. NOW I KNOW WHERE I STAND. I know one thing that I’m not going to do. I am not gonna mope around about people who don’t matter anymore.
I am completely done with being the nice guy. I’ve let myself go.. A LOT. I thought I loved the way how I am, but it seem’s like it’s not good enough for anyone lately. I’m going to go away for awhile, get a job as an LVN and improve my self appearance. I’m gonna show everyone what they’re missing out on. I’m not doing this for anyone, but for myself. I am worth the effort #ImComingForYou
All in all, I do thank you for the people that stuck it out with be through my hard times, and people that did but didn’t work out till the end. You all just made room for better things and better people who will work it till the end. I’ve learned my mistakes. No matter how good or bad I have it, I wake up each day thankful for my life.